Sexual Redemption? (p. 11-19)
To be spiritually mature, you must be sexually mature; to be sexually
you must be spiritually mature. -- p.15
Chapter Two: Revealing the Darkness (p. 21-28)
1. British anthropologist, J.D.Unwin, studied 86 cultures spanning 5,000
years of human history and found that without exception, cultures thrive
when they ____ . He also found that no culture survived more than 3
generations after disregarding that standard.
a. teach sex education.
b. restrict sex to marriage.
c. relax traditional sexual boundaries.
d. have no more than 2 children per family.
Chapter Three: The Struggle for Christians (p. 29-41)
2. Which is NOT true?
a. Many wives have low sexual desire.
b. A husband cannot maintain much sexual interest in his wife when her
physical beauty declines.
c. Jesus taught that it is a sin for a man to look at a woman with lustful
d. Many women who want to be admired for what they wear are unaware of the
dangers and spiritual destruction they cause when their clothes are overly
revealing or sexually appealing.
Chapter Four: Is This a Disease? (p. 43-53)
3. What is the author’s main argument against viewing sexual sin as a
disease or a brain chemical issue?
a. Not enough scientific study has been done to warrant such a
b. The Christian community of professional counselors is overwhelmingly
against such a conclusion.
c. It reduces the importance that human will, choice, and responsibility
have on one’s behavior and denies that the true cause of sexual sin is the
deceitfulness of our self-centered hearts.
d. It detracts from the major strategy for managing sexual sin, which is to
change one’s behavior.
Chapter Five: Why Is Sex Such a Big Deal? (p. 55-67)
4. Which is NOT true about sex?
a. The Bible says our bodies are members of Christ, in union with Him.
b. What we do to our bodies, we do to our souls.
c. Men don’t want closeness as much as women do; men just want sex.
d. Most likely, married couples in their sixties know more about the true
meaning (selfishness) of sex than twenty-year-olds who can’t keep their
hands off each other.
5. Aside from procreation, the main reason why God created sexual
intimacy in marriage was to
a. give married couples a brief respite from their suffering.
b. teach husbands and wives to be unselfish.
c. deter sexual temptation outside of marriage.
d. point to the Mystery, of His oneness with us in Christ.
Chapter Six: The Missing Male (p. 69-82)
6. What every husband wants most from his wife is
a. respect and a meaningful relationship.
b. physical affection and sex.
c. obedience and agreement.
d. quality time and kind words.
7. When Harry uses the phrase “missing male”, he’s referring to a husband
a. fails to lead his wife.
b. works too much.
c. avoids conflict.
d. is a poor communicator.
Chapter Seven: The Hardened Female (p. 83-95)
8. What every wife wants from her husband is to be
a. listened to.
b. taken seriously.
9. When Harry uses the phrase “hardened female”, he’s referring to a wife
a. abandons her naivety for a more realistic view of marriage.
b. uses some type of control to get what she wants from her husband.
c. is too stubborn for her own good.
d. becomes too assertive or aggressive.
Chapter Eight: The Real Problem (p. 97-108)
If we are innocent of sexual sin, we are tempted
to call it purity. We look at sexual sin in others, including a spouse,
and ask preposterous: “How could you?” What were you thinking?” These
are questions asked by a person who has not come to grips with the
awfulness in their own heart. Without a proper understanding of grace
and sin, we will be unprepared to deal with the horrible nature of
sexual sin and the brokenness of sexuality all around us. The depravity
of the human heart and the inborn evil of the soul is real. When we
fully grasp our innate condition, we are greatly humbled by “Jesus
Christ, who became to us…our righteousness and sanctification and
redemption” ( I Corinthians 1:30). Once we are in Christ, we realize we
can have no confidence in our own “righteousness,” but are totally
dependent on “that which comes through faith in Christ, the
righteousness from God that depends on faith” (Philippians 3:9). -- p.
10. The real cause of sin is
a. the way we were wounded.
b. our experience of worthlessness.
c. not being loved and respected.
d. our evil heart.
11. What is NOT true about the sexual sinner?
a. The sexual sinner justifies or makes excuses for the sexual sin.
b. The sexual sinner declares that sexual sin is a need.
c. The sexual sinner has a deep sorrow for sin.
d. The sexual sinner deceives himself or herself into believing that sinning
sexually will be a positive benefit.
Chapter Nine: The Change That Brings Freedom (p. 109-119)
I John 3:7 “No one born of God makes a practice of sinning…” You cannot
be a believer, truly in Christ, and adopt sexual sin as a way of life or
perpetual pattern. -- p. 113
12. Why does God not seem to help some men who really try to stop looking
a. They are asking God with the wrong (selfish) motives of just trying
to relieve shame and guilty feelings.
b. They are willing to give up sexual sin but not other sins.
c. They are really not giving God complete control over their lives.
d. All of the above.
Chapter Ten: Spiritual Sexuality for Men (p. 121-133)
13. Which is NOT characteristic of Biblical male leadership?
a. The husband serves his wife and sacrifices for her good.
b. The husband gets the final say in all disagreements with his wife.
c. The husband, although not having to initiate every action, adopts a
general pattern of initiative.
d. The husband pursues his wife romantically with strength and tenderness.
FIVE QUALITIES OF A HUSBAND’S LEADERSHIP STYLE
(II Timothy 2:24,25)
1. Not quarrelsome
3. Able to teach his wife
4. Endures evil
14. What is the greatest way that Harry believes a husband can
love his wife as Christ loved the church (Ephesians 5:23,25)?
a. making his wife feel secure by providing materially for her.
b. sacrificing everything for her spiritual well-being.
c. trying to understand her female nature.
d. trying to adapt to cultural expressions of masculinity.
I Peter 3:7 “Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an
understanding way, showing
honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since
they are heirs with you of the grace of life,
so that your prayers may
not be hindered.”
Of all the things a husband may learn about his wife
over the span of marriage, this one
thing stands out: understanding how
God has made her beautifully vulnerable to being hurt
by the husband.
Chapter Eleven: Spiritual Sexuality for Women (p. 135-146)
15. Reading this chapter and Appendix 5, according to Harry’s view of
Scriptural teaching, divorce
a. is permitted in the case of adultery.
b. is simply going to happen whether we like it or not. There’s nothing we
can do about it.
c. is allowed only in the most extreme cases, such as chronic physical abuse
and child sexual abuse.
d. should never occur because God will never divorce those of us who are in
Christ, even if we are unfaithful, as we often are.
Internally, what happens to a wife who refuses to forgive her husband
who was unfaithful
but now has repented? She shuts down her God-designed
desires with a deadness that
destroys her soul and her femininity. Yet
the drive to control the pain is self-defeating,
because it leads to
greater and greater pain. Compelled to control the situation, and
man who hurt her, she experiences a heart sickness that can only spread
and more into her being.-- p. 140
16. What does Harry advise a wife to do if her husband has been
a. Give more attention to her physical appearance.
b. Give her husband an ultimatum to change or get out.
c. Display for him the imperishable beauty of a forgiving, respectful, and
d. Apologize for her shortcomings as a wife and promise to do better.
Chapter Twelve: The Seven Principles of Spiritual Sexuality (p. 147-156)
1. Eat meat (study the Scriptures) (Hebrews 5:14)
2. Train in receiving grace (Titus 2:11,12)
3. Prepare your heart for the long haul (James 5:8-11)
4. Supplement your faith with virtues (II Peter 1:5-11)
5. Get rid of other things (Colossians 3:5-14)
6. Be diligent (Hebrews 2:1; 3:12)
7. Live for others (Hebrews 12:15,16)
Chapter Thirteen: Married and Intimate (p. 157-169)
17. Harry counseled Troy and Belinda, “one of the worst marriages” he had
ever seen. They fought constantly, had no meaningful relationship, and
actually hated each other. Yet they said they had a great sex life, often
having sex twice daily. Harry called this sex
a. the one good thing they had going for them.
b. a foundation they could build upon.
c. a gift from God.
d. false intimacy, where each one was admittedly using the other’s body for
18. The right purpose for sexual intimacy is
a. to glorify God.
b. to promote marital affection.
c. to increase relational happiness.
d. to avoid temptation.
Chapter Fourteen: Joy in God -- No Matter What Comes (p. 171-177)
19. Which best describes the author’s own spiritual story?
a. He has been an unwavering Christian ever since being raised as the
son of a pastor.
b. He has never questioned the existence of God, even after losing a baby
c. He came to see that God is good and all-powerful in every event, painful
d. He has experienced more happiness than tragedy.
Chapter Fifteen: The Next Sexual Revolution (p. 179-189)
20. Which is most characteristic of “the next sexual revolution” for
a. a new war on pornography.
b. strengthening the traditional family.
c. a hatred for sexual sin in self.
d. more accountability small groups.