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The Sacred Search -- What If It's Not About Who You Marry, But Why?
by Gary Thomas 2013.(David C. Cook: Colorado Springs, CO) [256 pages]
[Answer 17 of 25 questions correctly to receive 9 hours of Continuing Education credit].

Chapter 1: A Tale of Two Tears (p. 13-20)
Chapter 2: The Great Exception (p. 21-28)
1. Which statement does the author make in this chapter?
a. If you will seek first God's kingdom and His righteousness (Matthew 6:33) and let that agenda drive your decision regarding whom you choose to marry and refuse to compromise on that, you will set yourself up for a much more fulfilling, spiritually enriching, and overall more satisfying marriage.
b. Psychologically, women are more likely to experience romantic love with dominant men, even though dominant men typically demonstrate less ability to express the kind of companionship, relational skills, and emotional attachment that women ultimately desire in a lifelong mate. In other words, women, if you simply follow your feelings, you are more likely fall in love with a guy who will thrill you for twelve to eighteen months as a boyfriend and then frustrate you for five to six decades as a husband.
c. Just because you are "in love" with someone doesn't mean you should seriously consider marrying them.
d. All of the above.

Chapter 3: Vulnerable and Stupid (p. 29-41)
2. The average life span of an infatuation is less than two years.
Which is NOT a characteristic of infatuation?
a. The lover focuses on the beloved's better traits and overlooks or minimizes flaws.
b. Relational passion is heightened by adversity.
c. Every one experiences the same intensity of infatuation as the next person.
d. Partners reorder their daily priorities to remain in contact as much as possible.

3. What arguments support the author's statement that a couple is foolish if they get engaged in less than one year from meeting?
a. We need time for infatuation to run its course so we can really get to know a person, including his or her weaknesses, before we marry.
b. Because the brain scans of people together for 28 months showed a more realistic view of their partner than those together for 8 months.
c. Because it is far better to be single and lonely than married and lonely.
d. All of the above.

Chapter 4: You Don't Want What You Think You Want (p. 43-53)
4. Most married women desire their husbands to _____, to have a good sense of humor, to be an involved dad, and to have a strong work ethic.
a. be exciting
b. be godly
c. be knowledgeable
d. be helpful

5. Proverbs Chapter 31 prompts men to marry a woman of
a. excellent physical fitness and beauty.
b. of virtue and noble character.
c. of great charm and poise.
d. with different personality traits.

Chapter 5: Soul Mate or Sole Mate? (p. 55-69)
6. Which is NOT true?
a. Our culture embraces the notion that there is only one specific person who can complete us, and we will know who that person is by the intense feelings we have.
b. Discerning someone's character, true values, and suitability for marriage is hard work. It takes time, counsel, and a healthy dose of objective self-doubt and skepticism.
c. It could be an indication from God to marry someone who says to you, while you are dating, "I could never be happy without you."
d. The Bible does not teach there is only one right person for you. Instead, it teaches that there are wise and unwise choices, and that a man should search for a woman of godly character: "A wife of noble character who can find?" (Proverbs 31:10)

7. I Corinthians 7:39 says, "She is free to marry anyone she wishes, but he must belong to the Lord." Which of the following was NOT one of the author's considerations in choosing the person you marry?
a. How romantic the person is.
b. How a person manages money.
c. What your parents and pastor and godly friends think about this person.
d. Praying for God's guidance.

Chapter 6: A Match Made in Heaven (p. 71-76)
8. Which represents the author's perspective on the biblical story of how Rebekah and Isaac came together?
a. Abraham's servant, when he prayed for a girl who would draw well-water for their camels, was looking for a sign from God that the woman was "the one" for Isaac.
b. Abraham's servant, when he prayed for a girl who would draw well-water for their ten camels, was praying for a woman with an extraordinary generous and kind character who would be willing to draw up to 250 gallons of well-water.

Chapter 7: The Religious Romance Lottery (p. 77-82)
9. Which of the following best summarizes this chapter?
a. You should actively put yourself in social situations where you are more likely to meet an acceptable marriage partner. Studies show that most people find their eventual mate at church or work or are introduced through family ans friends.
b. When it comes to choosing a mate, God will bring the right person to you at the right time. Just sit back and wait.
c. Don't worry about finding someone to marry. Just focus on God and He will bring someone along at the right time.
d. Don't worry about making too many changes to yourself, such as staying out of debt or staying fit and healthy. The person you marry should accept you just the way you are.

Chapter 8: Passive Surrender or Passionate Pursuit? (p. 83-90)
10. Because God commands us to restrict sexual activity to marriage (I Corinthians 6:15-20 and 7:36-38; I Thessalonians 4:3-7), the author believes it's better to pursue an appropriate marriage partner than to repeatedly fail to exercise sexual self-control before marriage.
a. True
b. False

Chapter 9: What's Your Style? (p. 91-113)
11. Which statement was NOT made in this chapter?
a. If you're a romantic idealist, you're going to become very disappointed when your partner focuses on his business or hobby.
b. A marriage based on mutual physical attraction is a shaky foundation, because marriage is about growing old together more than it is about being your together.
c. A passionate partnership can seem intimately intense and satisfying when two people enjoy it and suffocating when just one of them wants it.
d. Some people become interested in a relationship only when they are terrorized by or are terrorizing their partner, for reasons often related to past wounds and bent personalities. These couples fight, argue, make each other miserable and afraid, and may even have vigorous makeup sex. Exhausted and spent, they peacefully coexist for another short season until routine sets in and they start the horror cycle all over again. These people need to get healed, not married.
e. It's better for Christians to revolve their lives around their local church activities, such as Bible study and volunteer work, than to be active in their wider community such as the arts and feeding the homeless.

Chapter 10: Are You Strong Enough to Be My (Wo)Man? (p. 115-130)
Chapter 11: Making a Marriage (p. 131-145)
12. One study says that it takes a husband and wife ___ years to stop thinking of themselves as individuals and to start thinking of themselves as a couple.
a. 1 to 3
b. 3 to 5
c. 5 to 9
d. 9 to 14

13. The author believes you should never marry a person who
a. is highly arrogant.
b. is unwilling to forgive.
expresses anger with physical violence.
d. All of the above.

Chapter 12: Something You Must Agree About (p. 147-155)
14. Which is NOT true about an egalitarian marriage?
a. Marital responsibilities are based upon individual strengths and weaknesses, not gender roles.
b. The husband is the servant-leader of the marriage.
c. No one has the final say.
d. Biblical passages about men having a leadership role are explained by saying that the first century wasn't ready for egalitarianism.

15. Which is NOT true about a complementarian marriage?
a. The husband leads by being a loving servant, essentially becoming a living martyr.
b. Throughout the majority of the church's history, it has supported a complementarian marriage.
c. The Bible seems to support a complementarian marriage in I Corinthians 11:3; Ephesians 5:22-32; Colossians 3:18-19; and I Timothy 2:12-14.
d. In a complementarian marriage, the husband manages the finances.

Chapter 13: You're Looking for a Complement, Not a Clone (p. 157-170)
16. Compatibility is primarily about
a. agreeing with one another.
b. having the most important things in common.
c. sustained physical attraction.
d. raising children together.

17. Which is NOT true?
a. Marry someone who has potential to be a great spouse.
b. If you don't respect and appreciate your partner for his or her personality and character, then you're not compatible.
c. Spouses can increase their intimacy over time by sharing common activities together.
d. It is far better to move somewhere on a trial basis as a single person to try out the opportunity than to get married first and then see if you like it.
e. While incompatibility is grounds for breaking up an engagement or dating relationship, it's not biblical grounds to pursue a divorce after marriage.

Chapter 14: What You Don't Know Really Can Hurt You (p. 171-182)
18. Which is NOT true?
a. Some dates need to be purposeful, designed to reveal your boyfriend's or girlfriend's character. Going to the movies, biking through the park, and eating out may produce a certain level of affection, but it doesn't tell you how a man would face a medical crisis, what kind of courage a woman has, what values each person lives by, or what spiritual pursuit drives the other person.
b. Many relationships slowly wither into nothingness. They stop seeking first the kingdom of God. There's no overarching mission in the couple's lives beyond enjoyment. This entraps them in a life of petty battles and superficial cares.
c. You can find out your date's true character by paying more attention to how he or she treats you than how he or she treats other people.
d. Hearing your date pray (talking to God) can tell you about his or her relationship to God.

Chapter 15: A Neurochemical War Against Your Reasoning (p. 183-202)
19. Morally, the Bible prohibits sex outside of marriage (I Thessalonians 4:3-6). Neurochemically, sex before marriage is harmful because
a. Sexual intimacy will cement your relationship through the outpouring of oxytocin before you can properly test and evaluate your partner's true character.
b. Sexual intimacy will cloud a person's judgment about their partner. If they see something about their partner's behavior or character that gives them pause, they will be inclined to continue with the relationship because of their sexual bond.
c. An unmarried couple that is sexually active will have a more difficult breakup than if they had not been sexually active.
d. All of the above.

20. Pornography is destructive because
a. About 5% of pornography users will become sexually violent and actually commit a crime.
b. It teaches wrong information about women, that they like to do certain things and act in certain ways that they really do not.
c. To be profitable and maintain porn customers, pornography must present increasing levels of deviat behavior which are totally unnecessary, demeaning, and sometimes harmful for a satisfying sexual relationship in marriage.
d. Porn trains men to bond with women's bodies in general, but not to bond with one woman in particular.
e. All of the above.

Chapter 16: Problem People (p. 203-214)
21. Which is NOT true of a taker?
a. During marriage, a taker usually learns to be a giver.
b. When a wife is giving birth to a child or suffering an illness, a taker husband will complain about how is not getting any sex.
c. A taker will do something only if he or she gets something in return.
d. It is draining and exhausting to be married to a taker.

Chapter 17: Why You Won't Know Your Wife Until She Turns Thirty-Five (p. 215-222)

22. Which of the following had happy marriages that lasted beyond 15 years?
a. the Old Testament prophet Hosea
b. John Wesley
c. John Calvin
d. None of the above.

23. The point of question #22 is
a. The primary goal of life is to glorify God, not marry the right person.
b. The person you marry can change for the worse.
c. You can serve God even in an unusually difficult marriage.
d. All of the above.

Chapter 18: What About You? How Would Jesus Date? (p. 223-230)
24. Which statement best summarizes this chapter?
a. The highest bond of friendship is the fire of emotion and affection.
b. Declaring your affection right away for someone is a mark of true friendship.
c. To anaylze one's feelings is the worst way of arriving at a measure of friendship; to count its costs is the best way.
d. Putting your friendship above everything else is important.

Chapter 19: Mercy Marriages (p. 231-245)
25. Which is NOT true?
a. You should not marry someone because you feel sorry for that person.
b. You should not marry someone because you had sex and now think you must marry that person.
c. You should not marry someone who is severely disabled.
d. You should not marry someone just because you want to be married and you want to get the search over with.