Chapter One: The Secret of Marriage (p. 21-49)
1. Countering today's popular pessimism about marriage, which of the
following is TRUE?
a. If you are a reasonably well-educated person with a decent income,
come from an intact family and are religious, and marry after the age of
twenty-five without having a baby first, your chances of divorce are low
b. Individuals who were continuously married had 75% more wealth at
retirement that those who never married or who divorced and did not remarry.
c. People who are married consistently show much higher degrees of
satisfaction with their lives than those who are single, divorced, or living
with a partner. Children who grow up in married, two-parent families have 2
to 3 times more positive life outcomes than those who don't.
d. All of the above.
2. Which describes today's modern view of marriage?
a. self-denial and sacrifice.
b. a public institution for the common good.
c. the best environment in which children can grow and thrive.
d. a private arrangement for the emotional and sexual fulfillment of two
3. How have unrealistic views of marriage led to a steep
decline in marriage and a pessimism about it?
a. People's expectations are too high when selecting a mate. They want
someone who is happy, healthy, fun, intellectually stimulating, sexually
attractive, with many common interests, who is supportive of their personal
goals and of the way they are living now, who will always provide great sex,
who is very "low maintenance", and who will not demand a lot of change from
them. Also, the widespread use of pornography has given people unrealistic
expectations about what their future spouse should look like.
b. People believe that if they marry they will lose their freedom. They also
believe that marriage will be painful at times, because it will be difficult
for their spouse to accept their flaws, and vice versa. So, to avoid the
loss of freedom and to avoid pain, they avoid marriage.
c. Marriage is a union between two sinners, two people who are by nature
selfish and immature. It is sin that makes every marriage painful and
difficult. When people either forget or don't believe this, they end up
looking to marriage (including sex and romance) for something it cannot
provide: meaning. Only faith in God can provide meaning. No flawed spouse
can ever provide this.
d. All of the above.
4. What is the secret of marriage?
a. That marriage cannot fully be understood.
b. That marriage is difficult and requires hard work.
c. That spouses should do for their partners what Jesus did:
gave Himself up for us.
d. That there is no one right person to marry.
Chapter 2: The Power for Marriage (p. 50-76)
5. At the base of any problem in marriage, I should look for
a. some degree of stubbornness on the part of my spouse.
b. some measure of my self-centeredness and an unwillingness to serve my
c. a lack of self-esteem.
d. the degree to which I have been hurt and wounded by others, which will
explain my bad habits.
6. Most married couples in Western culture go through this
1) They marry because they feel an attraction to one another and think the
other person is wonderful.
2) A year or two later, or sooner, you discover how selfish your wonderful
3) You also discover that your spouse has been having a similar experience
with you and begins telling you how selfish you are.
What action does the author recommend for both spouses to take after
discovering how selfish they are?
a. You should conclude that your spouse's selfishness is worse than your
own and wait for your spouse to change first.
b. Both spouses should agree to work on their selfishness at the same time.
It won't work is only one spouse is doing the hard work of changing.
c. Each spouse should not wait for the other to begin changing, but each
should determine to focus only on changing their own selfishness. Even if
only one spouse is doing the hard work of changing, it can bring about a
d. Each spouse should realize that their spouse is not going to meet their
deepest needs so they should meet their own needs in other ways -- career,
community service, children, etc.
7. The Holy Spirit helps us to understand the meaning of
Christ's work and teachings. "He will bring to your remembrance all that I
said to you (John 14:26). How does being filled with the Spirit help our
a. The Spirit helps my spouse to be less selfish.
b. The Spirit helps my spouse to fulfill their spousal duty to me.
c. The Spirit helps my spouse to realize my potential and help me fulfill
d. The Spirit helps me to rely upon God to meet my deepest needs instead of
pressuring my spouse to do so.
Chapter 3: The Essence of Marriage (p. 77-109)
8. Which is NOT true?
a. Regarding marriage, when someone says, "I don't need a piece of paper
to love you," they are essentially saying that they don't want a life-long
marital commitment to ruin their romantic feelings for the other. They want
to maintain the thrill of sex and believe that marriage will diminish this
thrill. This thrill and the ego rush of being physically desired is often
mistaken for lifetime love.
b. Marital sex is different than sex
outside of marriage. Because martial sex becomes less thrilling, it
therefore is less enjoyable.
c. Longitudinal studies reveal that two-thirds of unhappy marriages will
become happy within five years if people stay married and do not get
divorced. A public marriage vow can help keep a couple together during these
d. Marriage, because it is a covenant made to God and to one another, can
produce a greater intimacy than love outside of marriage. Marriage produces
a space of security where two people can open up and reveal their true
selves, no longer needing to impress the other or keep up a facade.
"Like everything that is not the involuntary result of
fleeting emotion but the creation of time and will, any marriage, happy
or unhappy, is infinitely more interesting than any romance, however
passionate." -- W.H. Auden
9. The author refers to the Christian ethicist, Lewis
Smedes, who defines who we are by
a. our deepest feelings.
b. our achievements.
c. visions of our ideal selves.
d. the promises we keep.
10. The author draws upon the philosopher Soren
Kierkegaard to show how unconditional covenantal commitment in marriage
actually helps romantic love fulfill itself. What did Kierkegaard teach
about the aesthetic outlook on life?
a. The aesthetic person is not truly free because he is driven by his
feelings and impulses. When things are no longer fascinating, thrilling or
exciting, he seeks a change in his circumstances. Thus, an aesthetic husband
whose wife gains weight might look around for someone more beautiful.
b. You can only be truly free when you commit yourself to loving action, day
in and day out. Then you are not controlled by fluctuating feelings or
c. The aesthetic does not really love the other person. He just loves the
feelings and thrills the other person brings. Only when you love someone
when it is not thrilling can you be said to be actually loving a person.
d. All of the above.
11. Which statement best represents the Biblical
definition of loving one's spouse?
a. If I don't feel love for my spouse, then I must have married the
b. I must first have feelings of love before I can show loving actions.
Otherwise, the actions are fake.
c. You should act loving, even when you don't feel loving, toward your
spouse. Often, loving actions lead to loving feelings.
d. If my marriage isn't thrilling enough, I'm not trying hard enough.
Chapter 4: The Mission of Marriage (p. 110-133)
12. What is the primary mission of marriage?
a. To establish financial security for you and your spouse and children.
b. To help your spouse become the person God wants him or her to be.
c. To secure one's social stability and longevity.
d. To maintain life-long passion and romance.
13. Of the following, which should be a spouse's greatest priority?
a. their children
b. passing on their parents' values
c. their marriage
d. their career
Chapter 5: Loving the Stranger (p. 134-169)
14. In this chapter, the section entitled "The Power of Truth" is about
a. giving your spouse the right to talk to you about what is wrong with
b. learning to encourage your spouse.
c. focusing on your spouse's good qualities.
d. being a more effective communicator.
15. Many people have said things to us over the years, good words and bad
words, encouraging words and hurtful words.
What should we really believe is true about us?
a. We should believe what we say about ourselves to ourselves, because
we know ourselves better than anyone else.
b. We should believe what our spouse tells us when they are not angry,
because they know us better than anyone else.
c. We should believe what God says about us in Scripture, because only He
has the ability to overcome damaging things that others have said to us.
d. "b" and "c".
16. The best way to love your spouse is
a. in the way you think is best for your spouse.
b. in the way you have typically expressed love to others.
c. in the way that your spouse would find most meaningful.
d. in the way that is most naturally comfortable for you.
17. What enables us to confront our spouse about their undesirable behavior
and then forgive them completely without a shred of superiority?
a. You acquire this ability through years of practice, learning to value
the good things about your spouse.
b. You forgive because you want peace in your home instead of constant
arguing or tension.
c. You learn to forgive like this because Christ forgave you.
d. You learn to forgive from the home you grew up in.
Chapter 6: Embracing the Other (p. 170-191)
18. In this chapter, the author's wife, Kathy, says, "It was this passage
[of Scripture] that entirely took the sting out of the subordinate role
assigned to the female sex." What passage of Scripture was she referring to,
and how did it help her?
a. Ephesians 5:22-25, because it says that the husband should love his
wife as Christ loved the church.
b. Genesis 2:18, because it referred to Eve as a "strong helper" for Adam.
c. Philippians 2:5-11. Since it was not an assault on the dignity and
divinity of Christ to submit Himself to His Father, then it would not insult
nor injure Kathy to follow Christ's example in submitting herself to Tim.
d. I Corinthians 11:3, because the relationship of the Father to the Son is
a pattern for the relationship of husband to wife.
19. What does the Bible say should be the role of a husband and the role of
a. The husband should be the financial provider, the wife should stay
home and nurture their family.
b. When there is a dispute, the wife should submit to the husband's
viewpoint and do what he says. She must give her husband unconditional
c. The husband should be more knowledgeable and authoritative than the wife,
the wife should be more nurturing and gentle than the husband.
d. The husband should lead his wife like Christ led, as a servant, and the
wife should submit to her husband as Christ submitted to His Father, as a
strong helper. The Bible does not give the details of how this is to be
accomplished, but allows each couple to decide how to fulfill these roles in
their own particular family. Essentially, they help each other complete what
is lacking in the other.
Chapter 7: Singleness (p. 192-218)
20. This chapter draws the conclusion that
a. Marriage is better than singleness because it decreases one's
selfishness, and produces the blessings of children.
b. The Christian church today highly values singleness, as the early church
c. There is one universal set of "masculine" and "feminine" characteristics
that applies to all cultures.
d. Neither singleness nor marriage should be desired above our union with
Christ, who fulfills our deepest longings that cannot be fulfilled by either
singleness nor marriage.
21. What does the author mean by "comprehensive
a. Men are attracted to a woman's physical beauty. Women are attracted
to a man's ability to provide.
b. Being attracted to a person's character and mission more than just their
looks or money.
c. You should marry someone for whom you have strong sexual feelings
("burn with passion").
d. You should choose a mate that is preferably from the same culture.
Chapter 8: Sex and Marriage (p. 219-236)
22. Which is the Biblical ethic of sex?
a. Sex is a natural appetite which should be satisfied whenever we want
b. Sex is a necessary evil required to propagate the human race.
c. Sex is a form of self-expression and individual fulfillment.
d. Sex is for use within marriage between a man and a woman.
23. The apostle Paul, in I Corinthians 6:17-20, says that
sex with a prostitute is wrong because
a. this could result in contracting a permanent disease.
b. this would result in an unwanted pregnancy.
c. neither party has committed his or her whole self to the other.
d. this could ruin a marriage.
24. In today's culture, which gives no support for sexual
abstinence, what would help a person practice chastity?
a. Having a living, ongoing relationship with Jesus Christ, where He is
fulfilling our deepest needs. This helps to lessen our sexual temptation by
reminding us that sex cannot do what only God can do.
b. Living in a Christian community where other singles are practicing
chastity, studying the Biblical teaching on sex, and not choosing a future
spouse on the basis of physical beauty or wealth.
c. Fighting against sexual temptation by obeying God's Word to wait until
marriage to have sex, rather than acting upon strong sexual feelings which
are stirred up by another person. Like the example of Jane Eyre, who chose
to "keep the law of God" when her "body and soul" wanted to rise in mutiny
d. All of the above.
Epilogue (p. 237-240)
25. In George Herbert's poem "Love III", what does this line refer to:
"And know you not," says Love, "who bore the blame?" A clue is found in
what Simone Weil experienced after reading this poem.
a. It refers to each person accepting personal responsibility for his or
her own actions.
b. It refers to the cultivation of conscience in each of us.
c. It is an appeal for each person to not be so hard on himself or herself.
d. It refers to Christ's sacrifice on the cross for our sins.