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Surviving Betrayal: Counseling an Adulterous Marriage
by Donald R. Harvey 1995. (Baker Books: Grand Rapids, MI) All rights reserved.
[Answer 11 of 15 questions correctly to receive
9 hours of Continuing Education Credit]


The Emergence of Chaos (pp. 21-32)
1. The author prefers to call adultery
a. an affair.
b. a lover’s tryst.
c. an extramarital relationship.
d. betrayal.

Beginning the Process (pp. 51-68)

2. In restoring the marriage,
a. the offender must promise to end the affair within six weeks.
b. the affair must be ended immediately.
c. the betrayed spouse should tolerate non-sexual contact with the third party.
d. counseling is optional.

3. Marital restoration is more difficult when

a. the affair was a one-night stand.
b. the affair is completely over.
c. the other party ended the affair.
d. it was the only affair.

Preparing the Spouse (pp. 69-80)

4. An appropriate response from the offender is
a. "I was wrong."
b. "Let’s put the past behind us."
c. "If we only had more common interests, this never would have

d. "I was hurt, too."

Full Disclosure (pp. 107-115)
5. Full disclosure does NOT include
a. the name of the third party.
b. how much money was spent on the third party.
c. admission of previous affairs.
d. sexually explicit details.

I Can’t Get Past the Affair (pp. 119-131)

6. When encouraging forgiveness, a counselor should
a. never point out an attitude of personal superiority.
b. never identify any marital imperfections.
c. clarify that unforgiveness could lead to divorce.
d. never be therapeutically aggressive.

I Won’t Jump Through Hoops! (pp. 133-146)

7. It is NOT reasonable for a betrayed spouse to require
a. revenge.
b. a thorough discussion of the affair.
c. a blood test.
d. counseling.

8. A "soft" sign of an affair could be

a. a telephone bill.
b. a hotel receipt.
c. unaccounted for gaps of time.
d. credit card charges.

I Was Wrong -- But Not Really (pp. 147-159)

9. It is TRUE that
a. a spouse in a boring marriage is justified for having an affair.
b. genuine remorse has no "buts."
c. both the offender and the betrayed are responsible for the affair.

d. there is nothing the counselor can do if the offender feels justified for the affair.

But I Was Hurt Too! (pp. 161-174)

10. If a husband (offender) has long term resentment,
a. it means he is not sorry for the affair.
b. he has forfeited his right to express it.
c. he should not tell his wife because it would hurt her.
d. he must identify it, express it and forgive.

I Can’t Let Her Go! (pp. 175-188)
11. A lingering attachment
a. will always decrease over time.
b. should be handled in joint sessions with husband and wife.
c. must be ended immediately.
d. can be decreased by de-fantasizing the affair.

How Can I Ever Trust Again? (pp. 197-206)

12. If a husband (former offender) gets home late from work,
a. it is reasonable for his wife to require an explanation.
b. he should be upset that his wife is not "getting over the affair."
c. an explanation will not affect the rebuilding of trust.
d. his wife probably won’t be bothered by this.

13. Little white lies

a. help protect the betrayed spouse from unnecessary worry.
b. indicate that the affair is not over.
c. prevent the rebuilding of trust.
d. should be tolerated by the betrayed spouse.

14. A couple can expect the rebuilding of trust to take

a. 3-6 months.
b. 6-12 months.
c. 1-2 years.
d. 3-5 years.

Why Isn’t She Better? (pp. 207-214)
15. Flashbacks occur because
a. the marriage is not healing.
b. painful memories are triggered.
c. the betrayed spouse isn’t trying hard enough to forget.
d. the betrayed spouse wants revenge.