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Sacred Influence -- What a Man Needs from His Wife to Be the Husband She Wants
by Gary Thomas © 2006. (Zondervan: Grand Rapids, MI). All rights reserved.
[Answer 14 of 20 questions correctly to receive
12 hours of Continuing Education credit].


Chapter 1: The Glory of a Godly Woman -- Understanding Who You Are in Christ (p. 19-28)
1. The author says that a wife tends to be more vested in her marriage than her husband is. A less than noble reason for this, he suggests, is a sinful propensity for some wives to define themselves according to their likeability or acceptance by their husbands. The biblical solution for this is for the wife to
a. cultivate graciousness and a good reputation (Proverbs 11:16).
b. decrease her economic dependency on her husband (Proverbs 31:24).
c. depend more upon female friends than her husband for emotional support (Proverbs 17:17).
d. make God her refuge, not her husband (Deuteronomy 33:27).

Chapter 2: The Strength of a Godly Woman -- Becoming Strong Enough to Address Your Husband’s Functional Fixedness (p. 29-36)
2. If a husband treats his wife poorly, the wife should
a. do nothing besides praying for God to change her husband (because she cannot change him).
b. keep letting him know how much he is hurting her. Because he loves her, he will eventually change.
c. let him know, without nagging or petty recriminations, that their marriage will suffer in specific ways that painfully affect him until he changes.
d. threaten to leave him if he doesn’t change.

Chapter 4: The Widow at Zarephath -- Understanding a Man’s Deepest Thirst (p. 47-58)
3. The best way for a wife to confront her husband is to
a. contrast his behavior with other husbands.
b. remind him of his good qualities while firmly standing her ground.
c. appeal to him to try harder.
d. use passages from the Bible to correct her.

Chapter 5: The Zarephath Legacy -- How You Can Learn to Appreciate an Imperfect Man (p. 59-76)

"Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things.” (Philippians 4:8)

4. The author believes that Philippians 4:8 provides a biblical basis for a wife to
a. identify at least one good quality of her husband when all she can think about is his weaknesses.
b. stop obsessing over her husband’s weaknesses.
c. define her husband more by his good qualities than by his bad ones.
d. all of the above.

5. A wife who expects her husband to be home most evenings, talking with her, sharing activities and dreaming together
a. is following in the steps of other godly women like Ruth Bell Graham.
b. has unrealistic expectations and might be too dependent upon her husband to meet her needs.
c. needs a stronger support system of female friends, hobbies, recreation, and spiritual friendships.
d. b & c

Chapter 6: The Helper -- Embracing the High Call of Marriages (p. 77-89)
6. In the complementarian model,
a. the wife submits to a husband who sacrifices himself for her.
b. either the husband or the wife can lead their family.
c. the wife should not work outside the home.
c. submission is not mutual.

7. In 1999, feminist Laura Doyle wrote a book entitled
The Surrendered Wife. Because she was unhappy in her own marriage, she interviewed other husbands about what they wanted from their wives. Based on her findings, she stopped nagging her husband, stopped the complaints and criticisms, and started letting him lead in important decisions. As a result of these changes, Laura’s husband became a ______ husband.
a. spoiled
b. dominant
c. fabulous
d. lethargic

Chapter 7: A Claim, a Call, and a Commitment -- Focusing on Personal Responsibilities (p. 91-100)

8. In general, when a husband hurts his wife or is irresponsible, the author wants the wife to respond according to which biblical principle?
a. “An eye for an eye, and a tooth for a tooth.” (Matthew 5:38)
b. “Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult, but with blessing.” (I Peter 3:9)
c. “Answer a fool as his folly deserves, that he not be wise in his own eyes.” (Proverbs 26:5)
d. “Do not give what is holy to dogs, and do not throw your pearls before swine.” (Matthew 7:6)

Chapter 8: Understanding the Male Mind -- Learning to Make Allowances for Your Husband’s Masculinity (p. 101-114)
9. A husband is less likely to attend to his wife’s emotional pain because
a. his brain has less oxytocin than her brain.
b. he cares more about concrete issues than abstract issues.
c. he often doesn’t know she is in pain because she wants him to know this without having to tell him.
d. his brain has more serotonin than her brain.

“Men have a small hippocampus in the limbic system, fewer neural pathways to and from the emotive centers of the brain, and a 25% smaller bundle of nerves that connects the left and right portions of the brain” (p. 105)

10. Most husbands don’t want to talk about a marital disagreement right away because
a. their wives usually win the argument anyway so why bother.
b. it takes them much longer to process complex emotional data.
c. men would rather solve problems with action instead of conversation.
d. they don’t want to give in to the pressure from their wives.

11. When a husbands stonewalls his wife, he is usually doing it
a. to punish her.
b. to get her to stop talking.
c. to avoid flooding.
d. to change the subject.

“There is a biological tendency for men to seek a set of care objects that allow for brain rest and the pleasure of independent relationship without the stimulation of emotional conversation. A car is, not surprisingly, an object of choice for many men.” (p. 110 - Michael Gurian)


What Could He Be Thinking? How a Man’s Mind Really Works
by Michael Gurian
The Book of Marriage
by Dana Mack and David Blankenhorn
For Women Only: What You Need to Know About the Inner Lives of Men
by Shaunti Feldhahn
The Proper Care and Feeding of Your Husband
by Dr. Laura Schlessinger
any book by Dr. John Gottman

Chapter 9: Jeanne-Antoinette -- The Power of a Persistent Pursuit (p. 115-130)
12. After telling the story about how Jeanne-Antoinette provided small, intimate social gatherings for King Louis to enjoy two or three times a week, the author concluded that many marriages break down because
a. the wife gives more attention to her children than to her husband.
b. the husband fails to show appreciation for his wife’s efforts.
c. couples don’t take enough time to relax from their daily responsibilities.
d. one or both spouses stop trying to please their spouse.

13. When husbands are surveyed about their wives’ physical appearance, the results show that husbands want their wives
a. to look feminine and be enthusiastic about sexual intimacy.
b. to exercise more and lose weight.
c. to make every effort to resist the aging process.
d. to look more like a supermodel.

Chapter 10: Ray and Jo -- Taming the Temper, Part 1 -- Self-Respect as a First Defense Against Your Husband’s Anger (p. 133-145)

14. Which is NOT an effective response from a wife to her angry husband?
a. “Would you please communicate in a way that isn’t so frightening?”
b. “I need for you to reword that so I don’t feel so defensive.”
c. “Don’t you dare speak to me that way.”
d. “You’re a better man than that.”

Chapter 11: Taming the Temper, Part 2 -- Learning to Navigate through Your Husband’s Anger (p. 147-156)

15. If a wife is being physically abused by her husband, she should
a. try to solve this problem herself. Most abusive husbands eventually stop their behavior.
b. divorce her husband. He will never change.
c. report her husband’s behavior and seek protection and counseling.
d. not report her husband. He may become even more angry and withdraw his financial support.

Chapter 12: Rich and Pat -- The Magic Question -- Helping Your Husband to Become More Involved at Home (p. 157-169)
16. How did Pat learn to effectively respond to Rich overworking during the week and fishing and hunting on the weekends?
a. She composed a schedule of his actual hours at home and away and used this to negotiate a compromise.
b. She asked him what things he would like her to do that she was not doing.
c. She got him to agree to eliminate one hobby.
d. She compared him to other husbands they both knew that spent more time with their families.

Chapter 13: The Biology of a Busy Man -- How to Help You Man Put Family First (p. 171-184)
17. After a wife accepts her husband’s God-given ambition to succeed, what can she do, if anything, to help him want to spend more time at home?
a. develop a spontaneous sense of humor.
b. draw attention away from his mistakes.
c. affirm his desire and efforts to provide for their family.
d. all of the above.

Chapter 14: Pure Passion -- Cementing Your Husband’s Affections and Protecting His Spiritual Integrity (p. 185-203)

18. The author says that 50% of married women will never desire sex until they are physically stimulated. This means that
a. they are quite normal and that foreplay will precede (and possibly increase) their sexual desire.
b. they should seek therapy from a professional sex therapist.
c. they should use prescription medicine to increase their sexual desire.
d. they should study the Bible to learn that sex is a sacred and good gift from God that is to be enjoyed in marriage.

Chapter 15: Ken and Diana -- Affair on the Internet -- Winning Back the Husband Who Strays (p. 205-217)
19. After Diana found out about Ken’s Internet affair, she was able to confront him without being destructive because
a. she was afraid he might become abusive.
b. she did not want to push him into the arms of the other woman.
c. she had already vented her anger, disgust, and disappointment on a friend earlier that day.
d. she didn’t want their daughter to hear them fighting.

Chapter 16: John and Catherine -- Finding Faith -- Influencing a Nonbelieving or Spiritually Immature Husband (p. 219-235)
20. John finally became a Christian after Catherine prayed and waited for twenty years. He actually helped her to develop patience during these years by encouraging her to
a. develop more interests outside the home.
b. go back to school and then get a part-time job.
c. participate in women’s Bible studies at her church.
d. concentrate on the good things about their marriage rather than being consumed by the disappointments.