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Love and Respect --
The Love She Most Desires; The Respect He Desperately Needs

by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs © 2004  (Integrity Publishers: Nashville, TN)
[Answer 21 of 30 questions correctly to receive 15 hours of Continuing Education credit].


Chapter 1: The Simple Secret to a Better Marriage (p. 7-23)
1. The simple message from this book is based upon Ephesians Chapter 5, verse 33, in the Bible.
The author believes this verse teaches that
a. husbands cannot love their wives unless they feel respected; wives cannot respect their husbands unless they feel loved.
b. If a wife disrespects her husband then her husband cannot love her; if a husband doesn’t love his wife then she cannot respect him.
c. If a husband doesn’t love himself, he cannot love his wife; if a wife doesn’t respect herself, she cannot respect her husband.
d. A husband is commanded to love his wife even if she is disrespectful; a wife is commanded to respect her husband even if he is unloving.

2. Both Emerson and Sarah made a decision that “changed the course of [their] marriage for good” when they
a. learned to speak their spouse’s love language.
b. began apologizing for verbal insults.
c. believed that their spouse was not intentionally acting unloving or disrespectful.
d. learned to express their expectations more clearly.

Chapter 2: To Communicate, Decipher the Code (p. 25-40)

3. Whenever a wife is complaining, criticizing, or crying, her encoded message to her husband is
a. “you need to change.”
b. “you hurt me.”
c. “I want your love.”
d. “I don’t respect you.”

4. Whenever a husband is speaking harshly or sometimes not speaking at all, his encoded message to his wife is
a. “I want your respect.”
b. “I don’t love you right now.”
c. “You’re never satisfied.”
d. “You need to change.”

Chapter 3: Why She Won’t Respect; Why He Won’t Love (p. 41-56)

5. Ephesians 5:23,25 teaches that a “husband is the head of the wife.” The author interprets this to mean
a. when a husband and wife disagree, they should do what the husband wants.
b. a husband is called by God to be the first to provide, protect, and sacrifice himself for his wife.
c. a husband is a more objective decision-maker than his wife.
d. a wife should obey her husband even when he is wrong.

Chapter 4: What Men Fear Most Can Keep the Crazy Cycle Spinning (p. 57-72)

6. Husbands withdraw from conflict with their wives
a. as an honorable way to avoid reacting negatively.
b. because they are weak and inadequate.
c. as an indication of their lack of love.
d. because they know they cannot win the argument.

7. The author’s wife, Sarah, was trying to help a wife control her “verbal venom” toward her husband, but the wife justified her criticism anyway. Sarah finally asked the wife
a. “Do you really want to be divorced?”
b. “Is your behavior glorifying God?”
c. “What would it be like if your husband treated you that way?”
d. “What if your son grew up and married someone like you?”

8. What helps to promote a wife’s respect for her husband?
a. Finding out that her husband, if he had a choice between being loved or respected by her, he would choose respect.
b. Asking the wife how she would feel if her husband told her, “I respect you but I don’t love you.” Then equating this with how he would feel if she told him, “I love you but I don’t respect you.”
c. Finding out that the Bible commands a wife to unconditionally respect her husband as much as it commands a husband to unconditionally love his wife.
d. all of the above.

Chapter 5: She Fears Being a Doormat; He’s Tired of Just Not Getting It (p. 73-86)

9. Who should be the first one to stop the Crazy Cycle?
a. the husband, as an act of leadership.
b. the wife, as an act of submission.
c. I should go first.
d. your spouse should go first.

Chapter 6: She Worries About Being a Hypocrite; He Complains “I Get No Respect!”

10. The author tries to explain the difficult concept that a wife should respect her husband even if he is harsh and uncaring. He bases this upon which of the following statements?
a. Wives are called by God to change their husbands.
b. Wives are called by God to obey God.
c. Showing respectful behavior when we don’t “feel respectful” is evidence of hypocrisy, not maturity.
d. If a wife shows respect to her unloving husband, there is a good chance he won’t change.

11. If a wife is being disrespectful, her husband should
a. say “Honey, that felt disrespectful. Did I just now come across as unloving?”
b. withdraw until his wife behaves in a respectful manner.
c. tell her specifically what bothers him about her.
d. understand that sometimes she is just being plain foolish in attacking him.

Chapter 8: C-O-U-P-L-E -- How to Spell Love to Your Wife (p. 117-123)

12. A wife will confront her husband
a. when he is irresponsible.
b. in order to connect with him.
c. in order to control him.
d. when she disrespects him.

Chapter 9: Closeness -- She Wants You to Be Close (p. 125-133)

13. A good way for a couple to reconnect after coming home from work is through
a. saying as little as possible (to avoid an argument).
b. aggressive affection.
c. a hug and a face-to-face conversation.
d. having a glass of wine together.

Chapter 10: Openness -- She Wants You to Open Up to Her (p. 135-144)

14. A wife feels her husband is open when he
a. expresses his opinions with gentleness, not forcefulness.
b. asks for her opinions.
c. gives her his undivided attention.
d. all of the above.

Chapter 11: Understanding -- Don’t Try to “Fix” Her; Just Listen (p. 145-154)

15. A husband can be a better listener to his wife by
a. just listening without offering a solution.
b. not interrupting her.
c. saying to her, “What I hear you saying is…”
d. all of the above.

Chapter 12: Peacemaking -- She Wants You to Say, “I’m Sorry” (p. 155-164)

16. A wife will behave less “historical”
a. when she learns to “just drop it.”
b. when she learns it just ends up in another argument.
c. when her husband apologizes more for his behavior.
d. when she becomes a better listener.

Chapter 13: Loyalty -- She Needs to Know You’re Committed (p. 165-172)

17. A husband can increase his marital loyalty by
a. always wearing his wedding ring.
b. never using the word “divorce” in an argument.
c. not looking lustfully at other women.
d. all of the above.

Chapter 14: She Wants You to Honor and Cherish Her (p. 173-182)

18. Regarding the teachings of I Peter 3:7, which of the following is FALSE?
a. If a husband doesn’t treat his wife properly, God will not answer his prayers.
b. A husband must understand his wife before he can love her.
c. God does not favor one gender above another in dispensing his grace.
d. God commands husbands to honor their wives.

Chapter 15: C-H-A-I-R-S -- How to Spell Respect to Your Husband (p. 183-192)

19. The “Respect Test” is
a. seeing how a husband responds after his wife tells him what she respects about him.
b. a wife evaluating her husband’s performance.
c. a wife’s comprehensive view of her husband’s strengths and weaknesses.
c. a wife encouraging her husband to try harder.

Chapter 16: Conquest -- Appreciate His Desire to Work and Achieve (p. 193-203)

20. According to Appendix E, the most effective way for a wife to respond to a workaholic husband is to
a. praise him for all the hours he works away from home.
b. tell him how much her love for him has declined.
c. tell him what she respects about him in non-work areas.
d. have the children tell him how much they miss him.

Chapter 17: Hierarchy -- Appreciate His Desire to Protect and Provide (p. 205-214)

21. If a family is struggling financially, a husband would feel respected if his wife
a. asked her parents for money.
b. said to him, “Somehow we’ll get through this.”
c. suggested that he get a second job.
d. turned off the electricity in order to save money.

Chapter 18: Authority -- His Desire to Serve and to Lead (p. 215-225)

22. A man forfeits his right to be the head of his family during the time his behavior becomes
a. immoral.
b. dishonest.
c. unethical.
d. all of the above.

23. The author believes
a. a wife’s submission makes her husband love her more.
b. a husband and wife should equally submit to each other.
c. a wife’s submission produces a controlling husband.
d. if a wife does not submit to her husband then it is his fault.

Chapter 19: Insight -- Appreciate His Desire to Analyze and Counsel (p. 227-237)

24. This chapter teaches that
a. a critical wife makes it difficult for her husband to be a leader.
b. a husband should never talk to his wife about her weight.
c. wives eagerly respond to their husbands’ suggestions and insights.
d. most wives believe they sin more than their husbands sin.

Chapter 20: Relationship -- Appreciate His Desire for Shoulder-to-Shoulder Friendship (p. 239-248)

25. Shoulder-to-shoulder friendship means a wife who
a. does everything with her husband.
b. has great conversations with her husband.
c. has a positive effect on her husband just by sitting quietly with him.
d. encourages her husband to spend less time with his friends and more with her.

Chapter 21: Sexuality -- Appreciate His Desire for Sexual Intimacy (p. 249-258)

26. The author believes that many husbands who commit adultery
a. are totally to blame.
b. can be lured into temptation because they are sexually deprived at home.
c. are in a mid-life crisis.
d. can be forgiven but still pay consequences for their horrible betrayal.

27. The author believes that
a. a wife should promise sex to her husband in order to get him to talk.
b. a wife can gain access to her husband’s spirit through his body.
c. a husband who is attracted to another woman does not love his wife.
d. most wives understand their husbands’ sexual temptations.

Chapter 23: The Real Reason to Love and Respect (p. 267-280)

28. The Bible teaches that
a. if a husband habitually fails to love his wife, he doesn’t love Jesus Christ.
b. if a wife habitually fails to respect her husband, she doesn’t love Jesus Christ.
c. whatever I do to my spouse, I do it to Christ as well.
d. all of the above.

Chapter 24: The Truth Can Make You Free, Indeed (p. 281-296)

29. Jesus said, “if the Son makes you free, you will be free indeed.” What does it mean to be “free” in marriage?
a. free to not be controlled by my spouse’s negative behavior.
b. free to respond with love and dignity when my spouse is being difficult or hateful.
c. free from sinful responses on my part.
d. all of the above.

Appendix A: A Lexicon of Love and Respect (p. 305-307)

30. According to advice in Appendix A, if a husband has failed to love his wife, he should
a. explain to her why he failed.
b. do something loving.
c. tell her how she can respect him more.
d. ask for her forgiveness.