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Love Must Be Tough -- New Hope for Marriages in Crisis
by Dr. James Dobson © 1996 (Multnomah Publishers: Sisters, OR) [238 pages]
[Answer 14 of 20 questions correctly to receive 9 hours of Continuing Education credit.]


Chapter One: With Love to the Victims (p. 13-22)
1. This book is written to _______ in a dying marriage.
a. both spouses
b. the apathetic spouse
c. the vulnerable spouse who wants to save the marriage.
d. the husband

Chapter Two: Panic and Appeasement (p. 23-32)

2. Panic often leads to appeasement, which is ______ way to win back the apathetic spouse.
a. a highly effective
b. an almost never successful
c. a sometimes helpful
d. a dignified

Chapter Three: The Tender Trap (p. 33-41)

3. The author believes that a husband or wife who wants to have an affair or to leave their spouse is primarily motivated by
a. poor marital communication.
b. financial pressures.
c. feeling trapped.
d. the demands of raising children.

4. The best chance for a wife to attract and hold a retreating husband is to
a. pull away slightly.
b. give him an ultimatum.
c. cling to him.
d. make him jealous.

Chapter Five: Opening the Cage Door (p. 49-56)

5. Dr. Dobson believes that when the vulnerable spouse lets go of the trapped spouse, three changes occur: (1) marital strain decreases, (2) the trapped spouse is free to consider “Do I really want to leave?” and (3) the vulnerable spouse regains self-respect and feels more in control of the situation. Dr. Dobson bases his advice to “let go” on which of the following Scriptures?
a. I Corinthians 7:15 “if the unbelieving one leaves, let him leave”
b. Matthew 7:6 “do not throw your pearls before swine.”
c. Romans 12:21 “do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.”
d. I Peter 3:6 “do what is right without being frightened by any fear.”

Chapter Six: The Tougher Questions (p. 57-63)

6. If a husband is currently engaged in adultery, the wife should
a. tell him she loves him and plans to fight for him.
b. ask God to reveal her specific failures that have led to her husband’s unfaithfulness.
c. not label his behavior as sinful or immoral.
d. none of the above.

Chapter Seven: The Valley of the Shadow (p. 65-76)

7. If a husband is currently engaged in adultery, the wife should
a. calmly ask him to find another place to stay.
b. project confidence that (with God’s help) she will cope with whatever outcome lies ahead.
c. replace begging and pleading with respect and dignity.
d. all of the above

Chapter Eight: Three Women Who Tried It (p. 77-82)

8. After the minister’s wife discovered her husband’s affair and went to counseling, the counselor told her to
a. beg her husband to break off the affair.
b. not take the blame for his affair but to stand up and be firm with him.
c. divorce him since she had biblical grounds to do so.
d. confront the other woman and threaten to sue her.

Chapter Nine: Questions and Answers (p. 83-106)

9. Dr. Dobson believes that the best way to keep a marriage healthy is for the husband and wife to
a. hold each other mutually accountable for a “line of respect.”
b. exercise a “no rights” philosophy where neither one claims even the right to be respected.
c. demonstrate a high tolerance of the other’s weaknesses, including a husband’s flirtatious behavior.
d. discuss every violation of respect, no matter how small.

10. In this chapter’s “final examination”, the author believes the most important statement in Mary’s letter is
a. “Would I be better off without him?”
b. “He says he has ‘no complaints’ where I’m concerned.”
c. “He will not allow me to work (I may look at someone else).”
d. “I always come back to you; that should tell you something.”

Chapter Ten: Victims of Affairs -- A Dialogue (p. 107-129)

11. Jean and Maury divorced after 32 years of marriage and raising five children. Toward the latter years of their marriage, Maury got involved with yet another woman. Jean confronted him with tough love by telling him, “If you go with this woman, I will divorce you.” Dr. Dobson told Jean that her marriage possibly could have been saved
a. if she had not given Maury such a rigid ultimatum.
b. if she had confronted Maury like this after his first act of unfaithfulness.
c. if she had been more understanding as to the cause of Maury’s numerous infidelities.
d. if she had concentrated on the fifteen years of Maury’s faithfulness and learned what conditions motivated him to remain true to her.

12. Often an unfaithful husband will tell his wife that their marriage never should have occurred, that he never really loved her from the beginning, that the affair(s) never would have happened if she had been a better wife, that the divorce is an act of kindness and in the best interest of the children, and may even be God’s will. These statements are an attempt on the part of the unfaithful husband to
a. justify his affair(s).
b. blame his wife for their marital failures.
c. expunge his guilt.
d. all of the above.

Chapter Eleven: Discussion of the Dialogue (p. 131-144)

13. Dr. Charles Swindoll believes that a Christian has biblical grounds to remarry under which of the following conditions?
a. when the marriage and divorce occurred prior to salvation. (II Corinthians 5:17)
b. when one’s spouse is sexually immoral and is unwilling to repent and live faithfully. (Matthew 19:9)
c. when the spouse is an unbeliever and willfully and permanently deserts the Christian. (I Corinthians 7:15)
d. all of the above

Chapter Thirteen: Loving Toughness in Other Settings (p. 181-191)

14. If a husband has developed a habit of physically striking his wife, the wife should
a. divorce her husband because he will never change.
b. arrange for separate living situations and require her husband to get help to change his behavior.
c. remain at home but become “emotionally divorced”, keeping detached and independent from her husband.
d. hit him back.

15. If a wife confirms her husband’s infidelity but doesn’t have the financial resources to support herself or her children, she should
a. confront her husband anyway, asking him to either end the affair immediately or live somewhere else.
b. wait until she has a good job before confronting her husband.
c. ask him to leave and then rely upon the law to enforce court-ordered  child support.
d. make him sign an agreement that he would continue to pay for her and the children’s expenses.

16. Of the following, the most effective thing for the spouse of an alcoholic to do is to
a. try to convince their partner that alcoholism can be overcome with willpower.
b. hold their partner accountable for drinking more than they intended to drink.
c. attend Al-Anon meetings.
d. write down the things their partner promised the night before so they will remember to do them the next day.

Chapter Fourteen: Angry Women and Passive Men (p. 193-200)

17. If a wife longs for romantic attention from her husband but receives little to none at all, she should
a. occasionally leave notes around the house with romantic suggestions.
b. ask him to go to marriage counseling so he can learn to me more romantic.
c. show appreciation for what he does do right, be fun to be with, and appear to need him less.
d. fulfill her romantic needs in other ways (i.e. watching soap operas, reading romantic novels, fantasizing about other men).

18. Which of the following married couples is likely to have the greatest physical attraction to one another?
a. a hot and cold marriage that cycles back and forth between closeness and distance.
b. a husband and wife who work together at the same job.
c. a husband and wife who tell each other everything that they are thinking.
d. a husband and wife who have no close friends.

Chapter Fifteen: Loving Toughness for Singles (p. 201-213)

19. With regard to dating, the author advises singles to
a. not discuss personal flaws too early.
b. remain calm when a breakup occurs.
c. say “No” to sex before marriage.
d. all of the above

Chapter Seventeen: With More Love to the Victims (p. 227-236)

20. Archibald Hart defines forgiveness as
a. being able to restore affection for you after you hurt me.
b. surrendering my right to hurt you for hurting me.
c. behaving as though the hurt you caused me never happened.
d. not getting angry when you hurt me.