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How Children Raise Parents -- The Art of Listening to Your Family
by Dan B. Allender © 2003. (Waterbrook Press: Colorado Springs, CO).
All rights reserved.
[Answer 14 of 20 questions correctly to receive
10 hours of Continuing Education credit].


Introduction: Children Shape Our Souls -- That’s Why We Need to Read Our Kids (p. 1-9)
1. The core premise of this book is:
a. It is possible to be a great parent.
b. The best parents are unselfish, loving, and effective disciplinarians.
c. Most children turn out to be decent, responsible adults.
d. Children grow their parents into spiritual maturity.

Chapter 1: Listening to the Voice of Your Children -- How to Answer Their Two Crucial Questions (p. 11-27)

2. Every child is asking two core questions: “Am I loved?” and “Can I get my own way?” In a home that lacks warmth, laughter, and playfulness, and where the children obey the rules and strive to meet their parents high expectations, the parents are answering these questions
a. “No, you are not loved” and “Yes, you can get your own way.”
b. “No, you are not loved” and “No, you cannot get your own way.”
c. “Yes, you are loved” and “Yes, you can get your own way.”
d. “Yes, you are loved” and “No, you cannot get your own way.”

Chapter 2: To Principles, Add Wisdom -- The Solution to Formulas That Don’t Deliver (p. 29-46)

3. The best way a child knows he or she is loved is through a parent’s
a. provision of food, clothing, and shelter.
b. consistent enforcement of fair and reasonable boundaries.
c. verbal recognition of the child’s accomplishments.
d. touch and delight.

As a parent, the author has repeatedly asked God for four things:
(1) Clarity on how to read my child’s unique bent
(2) Help to avoid majoring on the minors
(3) Depth of trust in God when things get tough
(4) The ability to live out surprise and paradox with my children (p. 38)


   Proverbs 22:6 teaches parents to find and follow their child’s natural “bent”, the
   unique way in which a child will fit into the world without participating in worldly values
   (immorality, greed, pride, etc.) Every child will have a bent in one of these directions:
   either to be “of “ the world by conforming too close to its values or to be “not of” the
   world and to stand completely apart from it. It is the task of every parent to affirm and
   then challenge the bent. If our child is either a rebel or a rule keeper, it is both good
   and not good. The good must be grown, and the not-good must meet the strength of
   parental resistance. The dilemma is that we seldom see good in being a rebel, and we
   fail to see ill in being a rule keeper. We must work both sides of the aisle to accomplish
   God’s purpose in developing a tender and strong heart in a child. We must grow a
   child’s ability to fit the world and also to resist the world. (p. 31, 41-42)


Our parenting habits are often a reaction to what we wanted
and did not receive from our own parents. (p. 44)

4. In most situations when a child is suffering, the parent should
a. let the child handle it. This builds character.
b. intervene if the child is quiet, sensitive, or impressionable.
c. dialogue with the child to determine the best strategy.
d. not intervene if the child is outgoing, resilient, and strong.

Chapter 3: Know Your Child’s Brave New World -- Why We Need to Raise a Generation of Activists (p. 47-61)

5. According to Strauss and Howe’s four repetitive cycles, today’s children are growing up in an era of
a. blessing.
b. presumption.
c. awakening.
d. calamity.

Chapter 4: Discerning the Voices of Our Parents -- Breaking Free from the Past to Raise Our Children Well (p. 63-75)

6. John responded to his own parents’ voices by
a. trying to prove their goodness.
b. seriously seeking their approval.
c. furiously fixing the mess.
d. paying them back for their mistakes.

Chapter 5: Turning Down the Voice of Our Culture -- We’re Not Here to Prove That Our Children Are Great (p. 77-92)
7. Too many of us are enthralled with the media because
a. we are too lazy to find more intelligent leisure activities. It’s easier to turn on the television or computer than to read a good book.
b. we don’t want to be left behind our peers.
c. it gives us the illusion of control over our circumstances.
d. we need to keep up with the latest technologies in order to remain relevant” to our culture.

8. Most churchgoers don’ts ask for help or admit their flaws at church because
a. very few other people do this. It has not become an acceptable church practice.
b. some people would judge them to be unacceptable and start avoiding them.
c. some people would gossip about them.
d. all of the above.

Chapter 6: Hearing the Voice of Your Own Marriage -- The Music of a Godly Union (p. 93-109)
9. Divorce results in children
a. having a contempt toward intimacy and loyalty.
b. being glad that their parents are no longer together. Now there is more peace and harmony in their home.
c. who are highly successful in making their own marriages work.
d. picking a better marriage partner than their parents picked.

10. Which is TRUE concerning abusive homes?
a. Pastors and local congregations are highly effective in abuse intervention.
b. Victims of abuse eventually become perpetrators of abuse.
c. Men who are greatly unappreciated are more likely to abuse their families.
d. Most children overcome the damage of abuse.

11. Living in the midst of tension between sin and redemption means
a. cultivating a positive and cheerful atmosphere in my home.
b. accepting the fact that every family is dysfunctional, including mine.
c. confessing my failures to love my family while at the same time accepting God’s forgiveness and redemption.
d. balancing what I want to do with what my spouse wants to do.

Chapter 7: Living in the Heart of Mystery -- How We Give Our Children a Taste of God’s Character (p. 111-130)
12. The core task of parenting is to
a. reveal God’s strength and mercy in equal measure.
b. provide clear, consistent guidelines and boundaries.
c. promote a high degree of self-esteem, confidence and social skills.
d. teach the difference between right and wrong.

The great theologian, Dr. William Henderickson, said,
“Remember, parenting is not difficult; it is impossible.
Nothing you do will be more important than parenting,
and in nothing will you fail more miserably…
You will need God.” (p. 112)

13. By subduing and ruling, the author means children should
a. be involved in meaningful activities.
b. learn to lead instead of follow.
c. take risks, explore and create.
d. be encouraged to become goal-oriented and ambitious.

Chapter 8: The Perseverance of Hope -- Dreaming God’s Desires for Our Children (p. 131-147)

14. Which is TRUE?
a. Parents must dream for their children; but the dreams must be broken in order for the children to piece together their true dreams.
b. Parents often dream that their children won’t suffer in the same areas they failed.
c. More parents dream for their children’s success, fame, safety and happiness when they should be dreaming for the character of God in their children.
d. all of the above.

Chapter 9: Naming and Being Named -- How to Learn the Name God Will Give Us (p. 149-166)

15. When Annie told Dan that she was tired of being his daughter, Dan responded by
a. giving her consequences for her disrespectful comment.
b. asking her to leave the table so she could compose herself.|
c. asking his other two children if they felt the same way.
d. saying how proud he was that she didn’t allow his failures to block their relationship.

Chapter 10: The Divine Dialogue -- How Our Children Reveal God’s Name (p. 167-179)
16. Around the time the author began fly-fishing, he began praying in a way that was characterized by:
a. knees bent, head bowed, hands folded, heart quiet.
b. reverential, penitential, thankful, and devout.
c. quieting all aches, doubts, fears, and worries.
d. arguing, ranting, pleading, cajoling, weeping.

17. What changed about the way the author prayed for his children?
a. He began thanking God for things he used to take for granted, like his daughter’s compassion and his son’s persistence.
b. He visualized the face of the child he was lifting up to God.
c. He became more disciplined in how long and how often he prayed.
d. He made his prayers more ordered and efficient by following the acronym ACTS (Adoration, Confession, Thanksgiving, Supplication).

Chapter 11: Welcoming Grace Home -- What We Must Embrace to Become Great Parents (p. 181-199)
18. The most fatherly image of God that serves as a picture of grace is found in the biblical story of
a. the Prodigal Son.
b. the Good Samaritan.
c. the Lost Sheep.
d. the Wedding Feast.

“One of the finest books of the twentieth century”:
The Return of the Prodigal Son by Henri Nouwen (p. 187)

19. The “Elder-Brother Parent”
a. lives by the rules and resents his children when they don’t do the same.
b. counts the days when his children leave home and can support themselves.
c. needs to humbly confess that his self-righteous criticism, judgment, and demands for fairness are grievous to God.
d. all of the above.

Chapter 12: The Freedom to Play -- God’s Highest Calling for Parents (p. 201-218)

20. The best way to play with your children is to
a. do homework and chores first.
b. be absorbed in the process of play without looking for any measurable outcome.
c. choose attributes that build confidence and skills.
d. use the majority of play experiences as a teaching tool.