NOTE: These questions were written for wives married to alcoholic
husbands, but can equally apply to husbands of alcoholic wives.
INTRODUCTION (p. xv-xvii)
This book makes the claim that if the spouse of an alcoholic
changes his or her behavior, as outlined in this book, the alcoholic has an
80% chance to get sober.
Chapter 1: No More Taking the Blame for His Drinking (p.
1. What should a wife do when her alcoholic husband, or
his family, accuses her of causing him to drink?
a. Get angry at him (them).
b. Refuse to speak to him (them), for a long period of time.
c. Calmly say "I am not responsible for anyone's drinking. If you choose to
drink, that is your business."
d. Argue with him (them) until she wins.
Chapter 2: Be Gentle with Yourself (p. 4-8)
2. At the point when a wife wants to yell at her alcoholic husband,
she should refrain from yelling by leaving the room and maintaining
detachment from him.
Chapter 3: Don't Worry About Whether He's Really an
Alcoholic (p. 9-13)
3. Social drinkers don't usually upset their families with their
Chapter 4: Don't Pour Out the Booze (p. 14-19)
4. If you try hard enough, you can save an alcoholic.
Chapter 5: Learn to Relax (p. 20-25)
5. Stomach distress usually
occurs when the body produces too much adrenalin. Relaxation techniques,
such as tensing and relaxing your muscles and slow breathing exercises, can
help reduce symptoms of anxiety attacks.
Chapter 6: Don't Be
Afraid of Losing Him Because You're Changing (p. 26-29)
6. Most alcoholic husbands will leave their wives if their
wives become stronger and more independent.
Chapter 7: Stop Arguing with Him (It Works!) (p. 30-34)
7. The wife of an alcoholic suspects her husband has been drinking and she
confronts him. He denies that he was drinking this time. What should she do
a. Admit the possibility that maybe he wasn't drinking this time.
b. Argue with him until he admits he was drinking.
c. Tell him to pack his bags. Then ask him to leave the house.
d. Go to a different room in their house
and tell herself that she is not crazy. She doesn't need to get him to admit
he was drinking. It won't make him better until he decides to stop.
Chapter 8: Do One Thing Every Day Just For Yourself (p. 35-39)
8. Many therapists agree that it is more effective to act your way to
right feelings, rather than trying to talk away depression.
Chapter 9: Use Tough Love (p. 40-44)
9. For the wife of an alcoholic, tough love means to stop rescuing
the alcoholic. Don't pour out his booze, don't fill the bottles with water,
don't mark them, don't look for hidden bottles, and don't buy him any
Chapter 10: Don't Ride with Him When He's Drunk (p. 45-49)
10. If you cannot take your children to their after-school events,
and the only person who can drive them is your alcoholic husband,
a. then allow them to go with their father to see if he drinks or not.
b. it's OK for them to go with their father if he only has had a couple of
drinks. That won't affect his driving ability.
c. you cannot forbid them to go with him or else they will turn against him
and it will be your fault.
d. you must absolutely not allow them to
ride with their alcoholic father.
Chapter 11: Confront Him!
11. All of the following are acceptable ways to confront an alcoholic
a. Confront him immediately after he begins drinking.
b. Say what is necessary only once, calmly.
c. Tell him what effect his drinking has on you, your children, his family,
your family, and his career.
d. Leave Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) literature in the bathroom, and don't ask
him if he has read it.
Chapter 12: Walk Away
from Abuse (p. 53-59)
12.If an alcoholic husband hits his wife, she should do all of the following
a. remove herself immediately.
b. stay away for a few days.
c. don't discuss what happened when she returns.
d. try to convince him that she did not
provoke the abuse.
Chapter 13: Accept Yourself (p. 60-67)
13. Which advice was NOT given in this chapter to wives of
a. A wife's fears will not decrease until she takes action to get help
for herself and her children.
b. Most alcoholics get better after their wives pray for their disease to go
c. Family members of alcoholics should attend Al-Anon and Al-Ateen.
d. A wife can legally have her husband picked up for a psychiatric
evaluation and then committed to an alcoholism treatment center.
Chapter 14: Don't Believe "Drunk is Fun!" (p. 68-73)
14. Alcoholics know how to make surface connections rather quickly
with people. They think they have such great friends, other drinking
buddies, who make hearty promises to each other, then break them and forget
them. They are not really having fun. They have contempt for each other and
Chapter 15: Tell Your Families? Only If You Want To! (p.
15. Wives who tell their families about their alcoholic husbands
almost always receive helpful support.
Chapter 16:Mean What You Say and Say What You Mean (p. 76-79)
16. When Josh threatened to leave Caroline, she begged him to stay.
Later, the author discussed with her what she could have done instead of
begging him to stay. Caroline could have
a. angrily said, "Good riddance!"
b. asked him why he wanted to leave.
c. calmly said, "You can leave," and then refuse to discuss it any further.
d. said, "No, I will leave," and then start packing her bags.
Chapter 17: Deal with His Arrogance! (p. 80-85)
17. If an alcoholic attends a social gathering with his wife, and he
ignores her, she should _______. This keeps her from being victimized by his
a. tell him she is ready to go home now.
b. enter into the festivities and enjoy herself.
c. follow him around and pretend she is enjoying herself.
d. ask him to pay more attention to her.
Chapter 18: Don't Change Your
Address! (p. 86-88)
18. As insulin is to a diabetic, so ________ is to an
d. Alcoholics Anonymous
Chapter 19: Hide the Car
Keys? (p. 89-90)
19. The author advises a wife of an alcoholic to hide her husband's car keys
only when she has achieved enough emotional distance from his problem.
Chapter 20: You have the Right to Get Sick Too! (p. 91-92)
20. Alcoholics make good care-givers.
Chapter 21: Learn about Blackouts (93-96)
21. Which is NOT true about blackouts?
a. Many convicted felons do not remember committing crimes because they
were under the influence of drugs or alcohol at the time.
b. During a blackout, a person seems, to everyone, including himself, to be
fully aware of what he is doing. Many even appear to be fully in control.
c. It is very obvious to a wife when her husband is having a blackout.
d. After a blackout, it is good for a wife to tell her husband what really
happened, even bringing in other people who were there to confirm the truth.
Chapter 22: Try to Remember It's a Disease (p. 97-100)
22. It is possible for a wife of an alcoholic to be compassionate and
at the same time to maintain "clinical distance" from her husband's
drinking, so as not to rescue him from it.
Chapter 23: Let the Crisis Happen (p. 101-105)
23. A wife of an alcoholic should help her husband if he loses his
job or driver's license because of his drinking.
Chapter 24: No More Lying to His Boss! (p. 106-109)
24. What can a wife do about paying the monthly bills if
her husband loses his job because of his drinking?
a. Have the husband agree to put the house in his wife's name only.
b. Learn a job skill that she can use in an office or at home.
c. Take care of children in her home for working parents.
d. Save some money every week for emergencies.
e. All of the above.
Chapter 25: Start to Get Help -- Even Though He's the
Drunk (p. 110-115)
25. After going to therapy, Marla, the wife of an alcoholic, began
seeing that a lot of her fast-paced, dramatic behaviors were _________. She
had lived with her alcoholic husband long enough to develop behaviors that
he had, but without his addiction to alcohol. When she stopped needing to
prove how terrific she was to everyone, she started liking the idea of
"average" and "normal."
Chapter 26: Stay with Him or Leave Him "Just for Today" (p. 116-121)
26. Which is NOT true?
a. An alcoholic might leave his wife from time to time to keep her
scared so she won't find out that she did not need him as much as he needed
b. A normal husband does not create an atmosphere of threats and
insecurities, but rather makes his wife feel cherished and secure.
c. A wife of an alcoholic should not go
back to him after she leaves him. If she does go back, this will only
empower him to continue drinking.
d. No wife can please her alcoholic husband. If she gives her alcoholic
husband the power to make her happy, he will use that power to make her
Chapter 27: Break Out of Your Isolation (p. 122-127)
27. Because the wife of an alcoholic cannot depend upon him, it is
appropriate for her to think that she must do whatever her husband wants if
she wants to hold the marriage together.
Chapter 28: Stop Asking Permission! (p. 128-132)
28. This chapter is not about teaching a wife to be defiant, but to
stop asking for permission from her husband for doing the everyday,
ordinary, and good things she has an ethical right to do.
Chapter 29: Act As If You Love You (p. 133-136)
29. When Marvin, a recovering alcoholic, started acting like the
father he had always wanted to be with his kids, what happened?
a. His kids said it was too late for him to be a good father. There were
too many lost years because of his drinking.
b. At first he began behaving as a good father without feeling like one. A
couple of months later he began feeling enjoyment.
c. He decided that he felt fake about the whole thing so he quit trying.
d. It stirred up too many sad memories of lost years with his children so he
took up drinking again.
Chapter 30: Put Him in the Back of Your Mind (p. 137-143)
30. The wife of an alcoholic is as addicted to her husband as he is
addicted to alcohol. The next time she cries out, "Why can't he stop
drinking?", she should instead ask herself why can't she stop thinking
about, worrying about, fretting about, feeling guilty about, and being angry
toward her alcoholic husband?
31. In reality, the wife of an alcoholic is more afraid of
losing him that he is afraid of losing her.
Chapter 31: Don't Feel Guilty When You're Mad (p. 144-148)
32. A wife of an alcoholic should
feel guilty when she refuses to pay bills that will affect only him.
Chapter 32: Forget His Bad Mouth (p. 149-151)
33. Not responding to an alcoholic husband, and not feeling guilty
about not responding, is a good strategy for a wife.
Chapter 33: Don't Say You're Changing -- Just Do It (p. 152-156)
34. Which is NOT true?
a. A wife who, once again, explains to her alcoholic husband how his
drinking adversely affects their family is ineffective because talking does
not lead to change. Only actions that have consequences lead to change.
b. An alcoholic husband is more likely
to get help for his drinking problem if his wife calmly explains her
frustrations with his drinking.
c. The less afraid a wife acts (behaves) of her husband's drinking problem,
the less afraid she will be of it.
d. If an alcoholic husband does not come and sit down to eat dinner with his
family when dinner is ready, it is appropriate for his wife to put his food
in the refrigerator and not argue with him when he gets angry about it
Chapter 34: Stop Telling Him How to Get Sober (Don't Talk
to Brick Walls Either) (p. 157-160)
35. The wife of an alcoholic is truly powerless over her husband's
disease. She can yell and scream, or be nice and helpful. It doesn't matter
what she does. She cannot make him drink or not drink. He will get well if
he wants to and he will stay sick if he wants to.
Chapter 35: Don't Get Scared When He Threatens to Drink
36. The wife of an alcoholic should never let him think she is afraid
of him or his threats.
37. The less a wife of an alcoholic reacts to her
husband's threats, the less effective they become.
Chapter 36: Wipe Out Saying, "You've Been Drinking Again!" (p. 165-168)
38. At first, when a wife of an alcoholic stops saying to him that he
has been drinking, her husband will be relived. But after awhile, he will
become scared that she is no longer giving attention to his sick needs, but
rather she is focusing on her own needs.
Chapter 37: Don't Expect Him to Be Sober (p. 169-170)
39. Alcoholics drink because
a. they don't love their families enough to stop drinking.
b. they don't love God enough to stop drinking.
c. they don't have enough will
power to stop drinking.
d. they are addicted to alcohol.
Chapter 38: Stop Checking the Bars (p. 171-176)
40. Which is NOT true?
a. A wife of an alcoholic can get to the point where she no longer wants
to check and see if her husband is drinking.
b. When a wife stops checking up on her alcoholic husband, her fears will
c. When a wife is hurt less and less by her husband's drinking, she is
d. When a wife pursues plans to live and enjoy her life, without focusing on
her husband's drinking, she is getting healthier.
Chapter 39: Don't Beg Him to Stay (p. 177-184)
41. If an alcoholic husband threatens to leave, his wife should
a. don't raise her voice.
b. offer to pack his bags for him.
c. walk him to the door.
d. All of the above.
42. Which is NOT true about a wife of an alcoholic?
a. If she acts steadfastly from her mind and not her fears, no matter
how lonely or panicked she gets, in about six months, she will be a changed
person. She will have started to love herself, like herself, respect
herself, and be able to love in a healthy way. She will no longer miss the
excited misery. She will be repulsed by it.
b. A wife, when acting from her head (mind) and not her heart (fears),
should expect pressures, persuasions, and threats from her alcoholic
husband. They're part of his sickness.
c. When a wife slips up and gets upset at her alcoholic husband, it means
she is not getting better.
d. A wife has a good chance of becoming less vulnerable to her alcoholic
husband by admitting her vulnerability rather than denying it.
Chapter 40: Don't Be Scared That He Will Leave If He Gets
Well (p. 185-189)
43. True sobriety involves more than just giving up alcohol. It also
means to treat one's family with kindness instead of intimidation. It means
to heal physically, mentally, and spiritually.
Chapter 41: Getting Help (p. 190-192)
44. This chapter is about getting help from
b. good friends
APPENDIX A: Sex and Alcoholism (p. 193-199)
45. A wife of an alcoholic should
stop feeling guilty about having her needs met and initiate sex when she
wants to. She should say no when she does not want sex. And she should not
expect her husband to improve his behavior through communication because
alcoholism makes him too selfish to do so.