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Between Two Worlds -- The Inner Lives of Children of Divorce
by Elizabeth Marquardt © 2005.
(Two Rivers Press: New York, NY) All rights reserved [249 pages].
[Answer 14 of 20 questions correctly to receive
11 hours of continuing education credit.]

Chapter 1: Growing Up Divorced (p. 7-18)
1. Which is TRUE?
a. Most children from a “good divorce” do better than in an unhappy, intact family.
b. If couples divorce amicably and if both parents continue to share in raising their children, then the negative effects of divorce can be avoided.
c. A child’s world is radically changed whether the divorce is “good” or “bad”.
d. A “good divorce” has about the same effect on children as a happy, intact marriage.

“One-third of divorces end high-conflict marriages, in which the parents report physical abuse or serious and frequent quarreling. Not surprisingly, the children do better after these high-conflict marriages. However, two-thirds of divorces end low-conflict marriages, in which the parents divorce because they are unhappy or unfulfilled…The children of low-conflict couples fare worse after divorce…Their world just falls apart.” (p. 3-4)

Chapter 2: Divided Selves (p. 19-32)
2. The postdivorce family is an entirely new kind of family that
a. gives children more diverse exposure to differing values and beliefs.
b. helps children experience the “best of both worlds.”
c. provides healthy, growing opportunities for the children to help solve problems between their parents.
d. makes children solely responsible for making sense of the differences between their parents, a job that their parents would still be doing if they had stayed married.

3. Which is NOT true for children of divorce?
a. They often have to confront complex moral questions early in life.
b. They feel like outsiders in their own homes.
c. They approach God from a place of hope and perseverance.
d. They feel like a different person with each parent.

Chapter 3: Little Adults (p. 33-54)
4. Some of the children of divorce had these experiences: Allison made sure not to tell her father details about her mother’s life so he wouldn’t criticize her mother. Kyle did not share bad news with his mother so she wouldn’t get upset. Katy was on her best behavior while visiting her father and step-mother, because she felt she was representing her mother. In each case, the child was
a. learning to lie.
b. protecting a parent.
c. exercising avoidance.
d. developing maturity.

5. When it comes to celebrating their parents’ birthdays, most children of divorce
a. worry about remembering the dates and having money to buy a gift or card.
b. worry more about celebrating their father’s birthday than their mother’s birthday.
c. have plenty of help from extended family members.
d. don’t usually make an effort to do so.

Chapter 4: Home (p. 55-76)
6. Two leading researchers have concluded that “ _____ has turned out to be the most powerful predictor of severe child abuse yet.”
a. Having an alcoholic parent
b. Living with a step-parent
c. Having one unemployed parent
d. Having to travel a long distance to visit a parent

7. For children of divorce, what is it like having two homes?
a. Both homes are usually peaceful.
b. It provides opportunities to make twice as many friends.
c. They fear the possible rejection of being kicked out and sent to live with the other parent.
d. They have more “stuff” than their peers.

Chapter 5: Early Moral Forgers (p. 77-112)
8. Children of divorce tend to characterize their parents’ values as
a. unified (similar).
b. complementary.
c. conflicting.
d. unappealing.

9. In which of the following do children of divorce NOT differ significantly from children of intact families?
a. Experiencing their mother as a good person.
b. Loving their mother but not respecting her.
c. Loving their father but not respecting him.
d. Finding it hard to forgive mother and father for some things they have done.

10. Which best describes how children of divorce experience household rules?
a. Mom and Dad usually come to a mutual agreement in enforcing the same rules.
b. Both Mom and Dad tend to be overly lenient because they feel guilty about splitting up the family.
c. The children try to punish both Mom and Dad through rebellion and non-compliance.
d. Mom and Dad usually have very different rules and their children experience constant tension in trying to remember which rules apply where.

11. In terms of moral beliefs, almost ˝ of children of divorce think they are
a. more religious that their fathers.
b. less religious than their fathers.
c. more religious that their mothers.
d. less religious that their mothers.

12. When a divorced mother says to her son, “You’re acting just like your father”,
a. the son is inspired to be more like his father.
b. the son experiences tension and fear.
c. the son, at that moment, doesn’t feel like he belongs in his mother’s world.
d. both b & c.

13. The major reason why children of divorce view their parents’ two worlds as “polar opposites” is because
a. of how much conflict there is after the divorce.
b. of the loss of all the shared experiences that drew them together before the divorce.
c. one parent is viewed as “good” and the other “bad” parent as the cause of the divorce.
d. each parent tends to remarry someone totally different than their former spouse.

Chapter 6: Secrets (p. 113-134)
14. This chapter describes which situation?
a. Divorced parents who specifically ask children not to tell certain information to the other parent.
b. The sense among children of divorce that when they were with one parent they were missing out on life with the other parent.
c. The experience among children of divorce of having to be a different person with each parent.
d. all of the above.

15. The main reason why children of divorce have difficulty with discerning what is true is because
a. one or both of their parents become habitual liars after their divorce.
b. before their divorce, spouses usually don’t point out the other parent’s weaknesses to their children; after the divorce, however, they often do.
c. they are in denial about their parents’ divorce and this denial clouds their judgment.
d. one of their parents becomes less trustworthy than the other parent.

Chapter 7: Child-Sized Old Souls (p. 135-168)

16. Although the author admits that her relation to God and the church is currently “uncertain”, she has come to believe that
a. some meaning can be found in suffering.
b. the Bible is necessary for spiritual growth.
c. continuing to seek after God is essential.
d. Christians are basically decent human beings, however flawed.

“Children of divorce are almost twice as likely to agree, “I think of God as the loving father or parent I never had in real life,” with 38% feeling this way compared to 22% of those from intact families.” -- p. 150

17. Which is NOT true?
a. Young adults from divorced families are less likely overall to feel religious than young adults from intact families.
b. Young adults from divorced families feel just as spiritual as people from intact families.
c. Young adults from divorced families are taught to pray by their parents just as much as young adults from intact families.
d. Overall, people who divorce are less religious than people who do not divorce.

“Of those young adults who were regularly attending a church or synagogue at the time of their parents’ divorce, two-thirds say that no one -- neither from the clergy nor from the congregation -- reached out to them during that critical time in their lives.” -- p. 155

18. Which parental behaviors create a huge dilemma for some children of divorce when it comes to honoring their parents?
a. infidelity and abandonment.
b. bankruptcy and abandonment.
c. alcoholism and anger.
d. yelling and screaming.

Chapter 8: Getting Honest about Children of Divorce (p. 169-181)
19. The author agrees with the use of which terminology?
a. “blended family: families created through remarriage.
b. “bird-nesting”: two divorced parents sharing one home where the children live all the time while the parents move in and out.
c. “divorce happy talk”: attempts to highlight the upside of divorce.
d. none of the above.

Conclusion: What Children of Divorce Want (p. 182-191)
20. The author says many children of divorce want “to make a home with a lasting marriage of their own” (p. 183) and that many “unhappy marriages can and often are turned around” (p. 188). In the NOTES section at the end of the book, (page 188), it states that many couples attributed the survival of their marriage to a “marital endurance ethic”, where their marriages got happier because the spouses
a. received good marital counseling.
b. improved their communication skills.
c. reduced debt and achieved a higher standard of living.
d. stubbornly outlasted outside stressors such as job problems, health choices, troublesome teenagers, etc.