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Chapter One: A Classic Case of
Hit and Run -- What “I Don’t Love You” Really Mean (p. 3-10)
1. What does “I don’t love you anymore” really mean?
a. “I want to get my love for you back.”
b. “If you make some changes, I think we’ll be okay.”
c. “Our marriage is over.”
d. “I’m confused and not sure what I want.”
Chapter Two: Desperate Times Deserve Desperate Measures -- Getting Past the
Shock and Getting Your Spouse Back (p. 11-19)
2. A husband who says to his wife “I don’t love you anymore” is
committing a very serious sin that will devastate her, deeply wound their
children, and destroy their family. In this situation, the author believes
that the wife should follow which biblical teaching?
a. Submit to your husband (Ephesians 5:22-24).
b. Respect your husband (Ephesians 5:33).
c. Turn the other cheek (Matthew 5:39).
d. Confront your husband (Matthew 18:15-17).
Chapter Three: “Help! Is My Spouse Having an Affair?” -- Look for Evidence
and Go on the Attack (p. 21-28)
3. If a wife thinks her husband is having an affair and he denies it, she should
a. take his word for it and just try to be a good wife.
b. just pray about it and don’t tell anyone her suspicions.
c. do everything possible to uncover evidence of an affair (check his car, e-mails, credit card statements, cell phone records, etc.)
d. repeatedly plead with him to be honest, appealing to his desire to not hurt their children.Chapter Four: Wimps Finish Last --
How Not to Deal with an Adulterous Spouse (p. 31-37)
4. When the author’s client, a wife, attempted to win back her adulterous husband by being the best wife she could be, what effect did this have on their children?
a. They performed better in school.
b. They drew closer to both parents.
c. They shamed their father for how he had treated their mother.
d. They lost respect for their mother and began to mistreat her.
Chapter Five: “Be Angry, and Yet Do Not Sin” -- Anger is Your Friend in a
Marital Crisis (p. 39-52)
5. The author says, “There is only one way you can motivate your
husband to work with you to create a new, healthy marriage out of the ashes
of the one he destroyed. You must ____.
a. produce sustained, intense anger.
b. make changes he has always wanted you to make, since a large part of the reason he had the affair was marital unhappiness.
c. do whatever you possibly can to do to forgive him as soon as possible.
d. try to understand the reasons why he had the affair.
Chapter Six: From Welcoming Mat to Slamming Door -- How to Get Mad and Stay
Mad (p. 53-67)
6. In this chapter, the author wants the wife to assume the posture of
a. a wife who thanks her husband for doing chores and running errands.
b. a furious, uncompromising ice queen.
c. a wife who recalls all the fond memories of her marriage.
d. a wife who forgives the other woman.
7. Which of the following responses to stupid statements does the author NOT
recommend?
a. STUPID COMMENT: “I haven’t been happy.”
YOUR COMMENT: “Show me in the Bible where God promises
happiness. Is it in the same section where God says, “Be
holy, even
as I am holy”?
b. STUPID COMMENT: “I wasn’t in the will of God when I married you.”
YOUR COMMENT: “Maybe not, but after marriage, it’s God’s will
that
you stay married. Did you think adultery was God’s will?”
c. STUPID COMMENT: “I think breaking up is best for the kids.”
YOUR COMMENT: “Yeah, you’re right. Having their self-esteem,
confidence, and security destroyed will be good for them. Did
you think
your illicit relationship with this woman was also best for
them?”
d. STUPID COMMENT: “If you’d met my needs, I wouldn’t have had the
affair.”
YOUR COMMENT: “You’re right. I’m not perfect. But I still
love you
and don’t want our marriage to end.”
Chapter Seven: “Stop Your Adultery Right Now!” -- How to End the Affair and
Make Sure It’s Over (p. 69-79)
8. A wife should tell her adulterous husband to end the affair immediately. If he doesn’t, the wife should tell her husband to get out of their home.
If
he refuses to leave, she should shift into a shunning and separation
mode.
The author justifies this “tough, harsh, unyielding approach” by referring
to the biblical example of
a. the prophet Nathan’s strong confrontation of King David’s adultery (II Samuel 12).
b. Jesus calling the hypocritical Pharisees whitewashed tombs full of dead men’s bones and all uncleanness (Matthew 23).
c. the apostle Paul telling the Corinthians to remove sexually immoral church members from among themselves (I Corinthians 5).
d. all of the above.
9. Which does the author NOT advise?
a. The husband should end the affair over the phone with his wife
listening in on the extension. He should tell the other woman he never
loved her and that she should never contact him again. If she attempts
to call him or e-mail him, he should not respond, but report these
attempts to his wife.
b. The wife should contact the other woman and threaten to take legal action if she ever contacts her husband again.
c. The husband must throw out every gift he received from the other woman. If they work at the same company, one of them must
quit. If they attend the same church, one of them must leave and
find a new church. The husband must get a new cell phone.
d. The husband must be tested now and 6 months from now for AIDS and STDs (sexually transmitted diseases).
Chapter Eight: The Truth, the Whole Truth, and Nothing But the
Truth -- You Will Be Told Everything In Spoken Words and in Writing (p.
81-97)
10. The author believes that the adulterous husband should disclose
the “entire, sordid, disgusting, sinful story” of his relationship to the
other woman except for the “gory details” (p. 82). The gory details refers
to how they performed their sexual actions. ALL of the following are
considered gory details (and therefore NOT disclosable) EXCEPT for
a. the feelings the husband thought he had for the other woman.
b. what they did in foreplay.
c. what sexual positions they used.
d. a detailed description of the other woman’s body and what the husband
thought about it.
11. Which is NOT true about THE DOCUMENT?
a. The husband reads it out loud to his wife in a stoic, dispassionate, and unemotional tone of voice.
b. It creates empathy in the husband for the hurt, anguish, and devastation he has caused his wife as he watches her facial reactions
when he reads the document out loud.
c. It helps to kill his feelings for the other woman as he reads aloud his
secretive behaviors. These behaviors, when secretive, formed strong feelings
for the other woman, but when read out loud, they now appear as cheap,
sleazy, sinful, and revolting.
d. It provides a biblical form of punishment for the husband breaking his
marital covenant with his wife. The purpose of this punishment is to make
the husband painfully suffer humiliation so that he will repent and be
restored to God and his wife (Deuteronomy 28:20-57).
Chapter Nine: It’s Time to Heal -- You Vent, You Questions, You Find Out Why
(p. 99-115)
12. A wife’s obsession with the details of her husband’s affair for two to three months after it’s over
a. is excessive and an indication that the wife should focus on the
positive changes her husband is making.
b. is too vindictive and counterproductive for marital healing.
c. is normal and necessary to fully recover from the trauma of betrayal.
d. is healthy as long as it is done silently.
"Women, even more than men, heal [from adultery] by
carefully
reconstructing the specific events in a trauma and then
reacting to
them emotionally. Once you know the basic sketch of his
affair, go
back over and over that period of time to flesh out the
story. You’ll
go over your calendar to discover what was going on in
your family’s
life during his affair. You’ll need to know if he was
with her at key
family times. As you ask your questions and get his
answers,
everything will click into place. You’ll realize,
looking back, the
reason for his strange behavior: the preoccupation, the
absences,
the lack of sexual desire, the irritability, the
explanations that didn’t
seem to quite make sense…You’re looking for
reassurance. If he
humbly and kindly gives you the same answer every time,
you
receive a little more assurance. A little more
security. A little more
confidence.” (p. 102)
13. In the sample Document of Response, what did the betrayed wife MOST OF ALL from her husband?
a. to leave their home until he reached full repentance.
b. a detailed explanation of why he committed adultery.
c. unlimited patience in listening to her many questions about the specifics of his adultery.
d. to become a godly man, sensitive to God’s leading, His Word and His will.
Chapter Ten: Back Away Quickly -- When to Shun and How to Shun (p.
117-126)
14. The Bible teaches us to follow a progressive series of steps when dealing with someone who chooses to continue in serious sin. First, you warn
the person (I Thessalonians 5:14 and Titus 3:10-11). Second, you shun the
person (I Corinthians 5:9-11; II Thessalonians 3:6, 14-15). Third, you
separate from the person (Matthew 18:15-17). For a wife whose husband has
committed adultery, the first five days of shunning include
a. going as far as you can go to act as though he doesn’t exist.
b. not speaking to him, not doing his laundry, not fixing his meals, not sleeping in the same bedroom.
c. telling the children why you are ignoring Daddy.
d. all of the above.
Chapter Eleven: Bring Down the Hammer -- When All Else Fails, Separate (p.
127-138)
15. The author advises the wife she can end the separation after the first two months only when stringent conditions are met by the husband. These include:
a. meeting at least weekly with a counselor and a spiritual mentor, both chosen by the wife.
b. memorizing Proverbs Chapter 5 and reciting it to his wife over the phone with his spiritual mentor by his side.
c. signing a legal, witnessed, and notarized document stating that if he ever commits adultery again, he will give his wife the home,
life insurance, alimony (determined by the wife’s attorney), and
custody of the children.
d. all of the above.
Chapter Twelve: The Bible’s Approach Is the Best Approach -- What God Says
About Marriage and Adultery (p. 139-150)
16. ______’s disgust and hatred of adultery led him to write that with the exception of idolatry and unbelief, God punishes no sin as severely as
He does sexual misconduct.
a. Martin Luther
b. St. Augustine
c. Dietrich Bonhoffer
d. C.S. Lewis
Chapter Thirteen: From a Dead Marriage to a Brand-New Love
(p. 151-163)
The Six Stages of Affair Recovery
1. Shock and Denial (2-3 weeks)
2. Rage (4-5 weeks)
3. The Honeymoon (1-2 weeks)
4. Anger (3-4 weeks)
5. Depression (4-6 weeks)
6. Rebuilding the Marriage (6-8 weeks)
Chapter Fourteen: Questions and Answers -- Common Questions About
Recovery from Adultery (p. 165-178)
17. Which is TRUE?
a. The author believes that some couples can fully recover from an
affair without using his “abrasive, drill sergeant” approach.
b. If you had an affair many years ago, you should not tell your spouse now.
c. Even though you might be responsible for 50 percent of the marital problems, your husband is 100 percent responsible for his
adultery.
d. There is never a reason to tell your husband’s family or friends about his adultery.
Chapter Fifteen: Living in a Loveless Marriage -- It’s Not Adultery
But It’s Still Serious Sin (p. 181-190)
18. What does the Bible say happens to a husband who treats his wife poorly?
a. It doesn’t address this situation.
b. God will not answer his prayers.
c. God won’t do anything about it because He will not violate a husband’s free will, even if it is wrongly used.
d. The wife should still submit to her husband anyway.
Chapter Sixteen: A Battle Plan to Change Your Marriage -- Stop Enabling
and Make Your Spouse’s Sin the Issue (p. 191-206)
1. Get close to God.
2. Gather a support team.
3. Work on your individual problems.
4. Get angry.
5. Get prepared financially.
6. Confront your husband.
7. Take actions against his sin.
19. During Step 7, what consequences did Shawna give her husband, Mike,
each time he slipped and was verbally abusive?
a. There was no sexual intimacy that day.
b. Mike had to do his own laundry and fix his own meals.
c. Mike had to do a nasty household chore such as clean a toilet, shower stall, or wax the kitchen floor.
d. Mike had to spend the night somewhere else.
Chapter Seventeen: You Have Nothing to Lose and Everything to Gain -- With
God’s Help. Put Matthew 18 Love to Work (p. 207-214)
20. If a husband used to be a good and caring husband but has recently pulled back from his wife and says he doesn’t love her like he used to,
the author believes that
a. he is on the verge of having an affair or is already having one.
b. he might have a secret habit of viewing pornography.
c. he has not worked to develop a deep emotional and spiritual bond with his wife.
d. Any of the above could be a possible cause for the husband’s change in behavior. |
